"Will you marry me?"
The question all woman want to hear and men want to say…
The question on your mind is:
"How I say it to a Jew?"
"How will a Jew say it to me?"
"We’re both Jewish, help!"
Anyway, let’s dive into all things Jewish dating…
Dating an Orthodox Jew
Orthodox Jews date for marriage.
There are no short term flings or friends with benefits.
In the dating process, Orthodox Jews will get set up by either a Shidduch or friends in the community.
What is a Shidduch?
A Shidduch is a Jewish matchmaker who will collect dating profiles from Orthodox Jews and then try to match them with people they think are a good fit.
As Orthodox Jews live all around the globe, it is not uncommon for Orthodox Jews to travel to different countries to go on dates with potential matches!
Here is a clip below where Berel Solomon (Orthodox Jew from Canada) explains that he travelled to Panama to go on a date and they ended up getting married!
What Are Orthodox Jewish Dates Like?
As alluded to earlier, Orthodox Jews date for marriage.
As a result of this, the dating involves getting to know the person and whether or not they fit what you are looking for in a spouse.
You will likely ask more deeper questions than a standard date as after all, this is someone you are considering living with for the rest of your life!
How Long Do Orthodox Jews Dates For?
There is no concrete answer for this.
The easiest way to paint a picture is that Orthodox Jews will most likely keep the Jewish Law of Shomer Negiah.
What is Shomer Negiah?
Shomer Negiah means "observant of touch"
So, Orthodox Jewish Men and Women will not touch eachother when dating.
Because of this, it is not common for Orthodox Jews to date for over a year, seeing as the dates involve no form of physical touch.
Some Orthodox Jews will date for three weeks and the man will then propose.
Other Orthodox Jews will date for three months and then the man will propose.
There are multiple factors that play a role.
If the two Jewish singles have a great date but they live on the other side of the world to each other.
They may go on five dates but those five dates are spread over the course of 3 months due to the distance it takes to see one another.
Hopefully this answers the question that the length in which Orthodox Jews date will vary on a number of factors but ultimately, they are dating for marriage so it will typically be a few weeks/months and then the man will propose.
Baal Teshuva Dating
A Baal Teshuva Jew is explained in our article here, however in short, they are Jews who started out as not religious and have decided to become religious.
As a result of becoming religious, Baal Teshuva Jews would be interested in marrying an Orthodox Jew.
Being an Orthodox Jew your entire life, you may be hesitant to marry a Baal Teshuva Jew because of the fact that they were not always religious.
It is not uncommon for a Baal Teshuva Jew to marry an Orthodox Jew after becoming observant.
Additionally, it is not uncommon for a Baal Teshuva Jew to marry another Baal Teshuva Jew.
As a Baal Teshuva will likely be involved in their local community, Jews will try to do a lot of matchmaking in their communities but also a Baal Teshuva could work with a Shadchan to find their future spouse.
Secular Jews dating each other
Secular Jews are typically not observant of all the Jewish Commandments.
Because of this, they will typically date eachother in the same way most people date eachother.
They would likely be dating to get into a relationship and then see how things transpire over the years.
If two Secular Jews are getting into the latter stages of their 20's, then sure, they might go on dates wondering whether or not they would marry this individual they are dating.
However, the same could be said for anyone who is dating in the late 20's.
As far as what two Secular Jews dating eachother would be like, their families would probably be happy that they are both Jewish and they would likely celebrate Jewish Festivals such as: Rosh Hashana, Purim and Pesach.
A non-Jew Dating a Jew
If you are not Jewish and are dating a Jew, you are in luck.
Be sure to ask if you can come over for a Friday Night Dinner.
You will likely find: the Jewish mother asking lots of questions about you, the Jewish father giving you lots food and the family being very warm and welcoming.
Not every Jewish family is like the one portrayed in Friday Night Dinner but as far as Friday Night Customs go: yes we sit at the family table and eat a three course meal together.
It is a very nice evening and many non-Jews have said that they particularly like the community feel of Friday Night Dinner and think it is a lovely thing to do.
A Jew Dating a non-Jew
What can we say that differs from the paragraph above?
Ultimately, you need to show them why it is such a blessing to be a Jew.
Let them experience Friday Night Dinner with your family.
Show them Jewish customs and festivals.
Encourage their Torah learning and let them prosper into their best selves.
Jewish Dating Sites
As there are different sites for religious and non-religious Jews, we will go through each one and specify if it is suitable for religious and/or non-religious Jews.
Shidduchim (website: Shidduch.im) is a popular Jewish Matchmaking website.
You can work with Shidduchim regardless of your age, religious level and location.
There are different ways of finding your match with them.
For example, they have adapted to technology and provide zoom dates but also can facilitate in person dates.
It is geared towards dating for marriage and not just a short term fling so bare that in mind.
JDate is a Jewish dating app that can be used for serious relationships.
With dating apps, the truth is: it's difficult to know whether the match is serious or not.
When you work with a Shidduch, you know where both parties are at.
Whereas dating apps give users that dopamine hit when they get a match so it is difficult to know if they are looking for something serious.
JSwipe is a Jewish dating app that is more used for casual dating.
That being said, anyone can use JSwipe (Jews and non-Jews) and there is every chance you could find a spouse on there!
However, most people who download JSwipe are not thinking, "I'm going to find my spouse on here".
It is more commonly used by non-serious folks who want something casual.
Lox Club took an interesting take on Jewish dating.
It is not geared for Orthodox Jewish dating and they charge a membership to join their service.
Paying the membership does not guarantee you access. They individually select which applicants qualify for the app.
You also do not NEED to be Jewish to join.
Well, you are likely not going to find an Orthodox Jew who is dating for marriage on tinder.
You may find secular Jews on tinder if you search in your local (assuming you live in a Jewish community)
Is There a Jewish Tinder?
You could say that Jswipe is the closest bet to a Jewish Tinder.
Or Hinge, if you use the right settings. Let's explain:
Hinge has more customization than Tinder.
What does this mean? You can adjust the settings so that you are only shown profiles who say they are Jewish.
You cannot adjust "how" Jewish you are. But in theory you could answer one of the questions Hinge provides to give the other viewer an indication of your religiousness.
And there you have it!
All the ins and outs of dating a Jew!
We don't bite and please do not take offence if we tend to date within our Jewish circles.
As with many religions, it comes down to sharing the same goals and living by the same traditions.
Till next time!
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